Finding a new name is something I’ve done recently. I had to change my first name due to gender incongruence; My previous masculine name was not appropriate to me as my gender experience is mostly feminine. I had to get rid of my surname due to the legacy of the family it came from: it’s so sad that we live in a patriarch.

Finding a first name to affirm my whole self, and not the male gender mask seemed like a very daunting task. The whole process of processing the reality of my transgender self in my 40s has been very jarring. One morning awake in the early hours in desperate need for some peace, my internal chatter found a way to sooth me with the name “Julie”. The more I heard this name internally, the clearer it became to me that my name is Julie. In the morning I introduced myself to my loving partner Peter as Julie.

I decided that I wanted help from Peter regarding my surname which was quite difficult for Peter who did not want for me simply to have a surname because of the expectation that a woman takes the surname of a man. Much discussion latter regarding the logic that I need a new surname, and that I would like something special that acknowledges our connection: it became possible for Peter to offer me his family name.

I have a middle name now too! I have always had very empathetic connections with the cats in my life. Merlin came to me in the unhappy circumstance of his owner dying in hospital, somebody who I would have cared for my whole life had circumstances been different. With the death of somebody very special in both our lives, Merlin and I survived through mutual support and love. Just as I have a name that honours the love and commitment I have for Peter, Merlin who has been with me for even longer needs to be acknowledged too. Whilst Merlin does not speak in the same spoken language as myself, I know he values our connection and wants to always be a part of my life.

I am now Julie Merlin Jackson.